By Nancy Ford
Brethren and sistren, right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A-mazing Grace, another group of god-fearing patriots has come under attack simply for wanting to protect their children (say “children” like it were spelled “cheel-drun”) in the sanctity of The Lord (say “The Lord” like it had three syllables.)
There is a Baytown area woman who somehow weaseled her way onto the faculty of a private Baptist school. This teacher, this woman (say “woman” with disgust and contempt) was so skilled in iniquity that she actually won numerous recognitions and citations for her educational expertise.
But this woman didn’t stop there in her deceit. She even persuaded the parents of her students to trust and respect her ability to mold the minds of their precious, precious children. This woman wove her malevolence while hiding in plain site, camouflaging her true nature behind a cloak of professionalism and sincere dedication to the welfare of her students. For nineteen years. The audacity.
No one knows for sure what kind of evil force possessed this seemingly god-fearing, dedicated educator but oh, my friends, she tripped mightily along her righteous path, and the devil was right there to catch her.
Earlier this year, this woman voluntarily ventured into the belly of the beastly Big City of Houston, with all its perversions and street signs printed in languages other than English (say “English” like that’s the language Jesus spoke). Even worse, her destination was Montrose.
For gentle readers unfamiliar with Houston’s various individual neighborhoods — and God bless you for that — Montrose has been long-known as the very deepest heart of darkness of the city, dating back into the last mid-century as a popular Mecca — which in itself not a place for Christians. Certain kinds of people like Bohemian artists, freethinkers, commies and homosexuals (say “homosexual” like it only has three syllables) flocked to this safe space (say “safe space” while rolling your eyes). A hedonistic destination of the lowest degree, verily, Montrose definitely put the “more” into Sodom and Gomorrah.
Recent gentrification of Montrose, with its shiny new condos and overpriced restaurants that offer every kind of cuisine other than good ol’ American home cookin’, has done nothing to assuage the neighborhood’s evil nature.
A handful of gay bars still abound there, the most degenerate of those establishments offering prurient shows that feature men dressed in women’s clothing, dancing and fake-singing. Sometimes women dress as men, intentionally disguising their feminine, reproductive glory.
Some Montrose establishments have the audacity to combine both food and drink with this lascivious form of entertainment (say “entertainment” like you were swallowing ground glass). One of these dens of iniquity has the audacity to clone its name from two of the most righteous touchstones of God-fearing, Christian America. It flippantly calls itself “Hamburger Mary’s”. (Say “hamburger” and “Mary’s” like the Blessed Virgin herself were flipping patties over a hot grill.)
These horrific displays whip audiences into such a frenzy that fans line up to press dollar bills — sometimes fives and even tens — into the hands of the heathen entertainers. Sometimes patrons shove their hard earned wages directly into the straining bras that harness these performers’ fake, heaving breasts.
This money would be better spent in reverent tithing to their churches’ operating budgets. Youth pastors who are also devoted to grooming the minds of precious, precious children don’t come cheap, you know.
Recently this woman and one of her colleagues at the Baytown school followed the recommendation of an apparently already-fallen friend to attend a show at Hamburger Mary’s. Beloved, the devil was strong that night, because women reveled in hedonism to such an extreme that she not only sat among these sinners, but also ate their food. She laughed at their jokes and sang along with their songs. Worst of all, this woman then posted a smiling, happy photo of this abomination on social media, along with a suggestion that others do the same.
When the faithful and alert administration at this private Baptist school in Baytown became aware of this offense, they dismissed both the woman and her co-worker. Once again, the children are safe.
We’ll finish this sordid tale with a warning to parents of precious, precious children. These banished women will likely soon find employment in another school, maybe one in your own neighborhood. It will probably have a broad, inclusive curriculum that encourages critical thinking and diversity. And they’ll probably earn a much higher salary.
The next time these women go to Hamburger Mary’s to revel in their idolatrous ways, they’ll probably tip those drag queens even more generously.
Again, Jesus wept.