It’s significant to note that this is the final What a World I get to share with you prior to the presidential election. My, how time flies when you’re living in a fascist regime.
Kidding. It’s been a long, hard, exhausting four-year cluster-covfefe.
I agree with the general assessment that this election has been billed as “the most important election in the history of our country.” Hopefully, by the time the next MONTROSE STAR is published (November 11), decent people will be rejoicing in the news the President-Elect Joe Biden is packing his bags for the White House.
Equally heavenly is the realization that, God willing, we’ll get to enjoy Saturday Night Live’s Maya Rudolph’s spot-on impression of Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris for at least another four years. Better yet, let’s pray that Uncle Joe stays healthy enough for two terms, and then President Harris slides into the Oval Office through 2028. Best-case scenario, Rudolph gets to extend that performance through 2036.
Speaking of SNL, we’ll miss Alec Baldwin’s pouty, orange-stain-in-a-poorly-fitting-suit Trump impersonation. Maybe Alec can reprise the character for SNL’s Halloween episodes, popping up in the elevator with Tom Hanks as David S. Pumpkins. Scary.
And — oh, my god — how we loved Martin Short’s SNL cameo as Dr. Harold Bornstein. You remember Dr. Bornstein, don’t you? He was Trump’s doctor who looked like the Grateful Dead’s road physician. Remember how Bornstein (the real one) would lean back in his desk chair and we’d wait, fingers crossed, for it to tip over backward, spilling the good doctor ass-over-teacup, all tangled in his stethoscope as a rainbow of loose pills and syringes fall out of his pockets? He’s the doctor that provided the phony letter of confirmation that insisted, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Now, that’s comedy. Thanks for the giggles, Doc. I wish you were my doctor because, after the past four years, I could use some serious sedation.
Laughs aside, if you haven’t already, make your plan to vote. Right now. Please.
Early voting in Harris County started on October 13 and runs through October 30. There are 130 places where you can vote early; you don’t have to stick to your own district. Locations are listed at HarrisVotes.com. Take your driver’s license and/or a reliable form of ID; if you have it, take your voter’s registration card. If your name does not appear on the list of registered voters, ask for a provisional ballot.
If you choose to vote by mail, invest in the extra 55 cents and put two stamps on the return envelope, just to be safe. Your mailed ballot must be postmarked by no later than 7 p.m. November 3 and received by the Harris County Clerk by November 4. Better yet, deliver your sealed ballot directly to election headquarters at NRG Arena, 1 NRG Parkway, Houston, Texas 77054. Each voter is responsible for delivering their own ballot, by the way. And bring ID.
If you want to play it old school and cast your vote in person on Tuesday, November 3, there are 784 places in Harris County to choose from. Check out HarrisVotes.com. Galveston County residents, go to GalvestonVotes.org to find your most convenient voting location.
Wherever you cast your vote, remember: Mask up. Keep your distance. Hydrate. Wear comfortable clothes and appropriate shoes. Avoid wearing a T-shirt or hat that might indicate your political leanings. Bring a stool or folding chair if you have trouble standing for long periods of time, or opt for curbside voting. Pack an umbrella, and maybe a sandwich. If you feel you are being intimidated or your voting rights are being abused, tell your precinct workers or call the Secretary of State at 1-800-252-8683.
And, if you’re so inclined, say a prayer for our nation.
The bottom line treats this election as you would a Texas weather disaster: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and get yourself to Spec’s.
Most of us are optimistic about an electoral return to some semblance of normalcy that restores America to its position on the global stage as a trusted leader of democracy. But if that’s not the way it goes, if it turns out that we are destined to endure an extension of the Trump Reich, remember the wise words of First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt who was, yes, likely a lesbian but was never photographed doing lesbian porn: “We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do that which we think we cannot.”
See you on the other side.
Log on to VoteTexas.gov for full voter details.