Halloween on Screen: Calm your nerves with these mildly scary holiday classics

Forget about traditional monster movies this Halloween. Forget Frankenstein. Forget The Mummy. Forget ghosts and witches, Michael Myers and the Jigsaw Killer and other things that go bump in the night and make us wet our pants.
We don’t need any of those faux terrors to scare the fluids out of us these days when all we have to do is turn on CNN or MSNOW or log on to Politico. The never-ending gush of news about the demolition of our Constitution and sacred landmarks, the devastation caused by a war that isn’t a war and AI’s promised destruction of our entire planet are more horrific than anything Roger Corman, Wes Craven or M. Night Shyamalan could produce.
This month, do yourself and your nervous system a favor. Toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave and then sit back and enjoy these classic gay(ish) Halloween movies from the comfort and safety of your own recliner. Happy Homoween!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

No list of queer Halloween movies is complete without a visit from that sweet transvestite from Transylvania who lures teens to their doom with crossdressing, homosexuality, leather and other assorted kinks and fetishes.
Now rightly considered a true horror classic, The Rocky Horror Picture Show has encouraged five decades of youth to march to the beat of their own drum while simultaneously pissing off the establishment. Apparently, “Don’t dream it — be it!” are still fightin’ and frightenin’ words to conservatives, clergy and all the Considered Women of America.
Few folks had even so much as heard of Tim Curry prior to his brilliant turn as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Fifty-one years later, it’s still considered Curry’s seminal role in his formidable, lengthy career. You’ll recall that Curry took his final jump to the left the same week Dolly Parton passed; the timing of his demise is unfortunate. If Curry could have made his grand exit just a week or so before or after Dolly’s death, he would have gotten more of the flowers that he so rightfully deserved.
More than half a century after its dismal original release, TRHPS continues to welcome “virgins” laden with newspapers, toast, squirt guns and other props to the subversive splendor of the live performance conducted in front of the big screen.

BONUS: This month, Rosie O’Donnell stars as The Narrator in a live Broadway stage version revival of TRHPS. That must have scared the Happy Meal right out of Donald.

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)     

Set in the 1950s, this adaptation of lauded lesbian author Patricia Highsmith’s 1955 book of the same name centers on 20-something struggling musician Tom Ripley (Matt Damon) and his infatuation with Dickie Greenleaf (Jude Law), an insufferable son of a millionaire industrialist. Tom is hired by the Daddy Greenleaf to lure his son from a never-ending Bacchanal in Italy and return to the United States to take over the reins and responsibility of the family business. Suffice it to say, things don’t go as planned. A brilliant supporting cast includes Gwyneth Paltrow as Dickie’s very white, very naïve fiancé and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the definitive smarmy, obnoxious, old-money sidekick. (God, we miss seeing PSH on the big screen.) Not so much a horror film as it is simply horrifying, The Talented Mr. Ripley is a cautionary tale warning viewers of the thin line between love and obsession. Watch it with someone you shouldn’t love.

BONUS: The afore-mentioned author Patricia Highsmith also penned two other gay-before-their-time books that would become films. The somewhat subtle homoerotic thriller, Strangers on a Train was brought to the screen in 1951 by revered director and master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock. Then Highsmith published The Price of Salt in 1952. More than 50 years later it was renamed Carol and became the landmark queer chick flick of the 21st century.

Kathy Najimy (left), Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker in ‘Hocus Pocus’ / AIPTComics.com

Hocus Pocus (1993) and Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Bette Midler, Kathy Najimi, Sarah Jessica Parker and the folks at Disney managed to churn out one of the most beloved family-friendly Halloween films of all time. In it, Bette is corny and silly and perfectly pumpkin spicey and won’t cause any sleepless nights. Granted, the sequel is a little less stellar than the original, but the Walgreen’s scene will make you fall in love with the Sanderson Sisters all over again. Each October, both are required viewing in my house.

BONUS: The Sisters ride again! Hocus Pocus 3 is in the works as we speak. Its release date hasn’t been announced yet, but it can’t be soon enough.

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