Commentary: Without a doubt, the biggest story of the year was the insurrection that occurred on January 6. Never has our nation seen a defeated presidential candidate not only refuse to concede but also incite a mob of his supporters to attempt a coup by preventing the election results from being certified while threatening to hang the vice-president.
Remember the good old days when a person or team lost, they would walk across the field or go on late-night television and congratulate the winner? In both professional and college football, teams meet at midfield and shake hands as the losing team congratulates the winner. The Houston Texans have had lots of practice doing that this year — ask them.
Never admit defeat, blame others
If there is one thing the twice impeached, failed former president taught us, it’s never to admit defeat. Using that logic, the Astros are the 2021 World Series Champions! Now, repeat that lie at every opportunity. Repeat it so forcefully that others will believe you. Repeat it so often that you begin to believe it yourself.
Our H-Town team did not lose to the Atlanta Braves in the Fall Classic, it was stolen from them. The conspiracy to defeat the Astros began early in the year when Georgia passed voting restrictions into law. In opposition to the voter suppression legislation, Major League Baseball pulled the All-Star Game from Atlanta and gave it to Denver.
MLB punished Georgia by removing one game in mid-summer yet allowed the Braves to play home games throughout the playoffs. The outcome would have been different had the league been consistent in its efforts to teach Georgia a lesson. The Astros were robbed! The results of the 2021 World Series should be decertified immediately.
Fellas, I need 6 runs
The Astros were outscored 25-20 in six games. Team owner and chairman Jim Crane can simply call up the official scorekeeper and tell him to find six more runs.
If Trump can call the Georgia Secretary of State and say, “The people of Georgia are angry. The people of the country are angry, and there’s nothing wrong with saying that, you know, that you’ve recalculated. All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have… Fellas, I need 11,000 votes, give me a break.”
All we need is six measly runs. Recalculating that small amount should be easy.
The whole system is rigged
Then there is all the cheating. No, not from the Astros but the Braves, who have been accused of cheating in international free agency. The organization was circumventing bonus pool rules, and they were underreporting the monies paid to signers permitting them to sign more for more money.
The current core of this Braves pennant-winning team was built at least in part by cheating. This is something not actively covered but the Astros received non-stop negative media coverage for banging a few trashcan lids.
The Braves were also subject to an FBI human trafficking investigation. The general manager at the time was banned from baseball and replaced but no one talks about this. To quote the former president, “The whole system is rigged.”
MLB must hire CPAs to do a recount and an audit of all the runs scored in the series, a forensic audit. Surely, after checking and double-checking the runs, the auditors will discover uncounted Astros runs and see that many of the runs scored by the Braves were scored illegally.
“The Fake News Media refuses to write the facts, thereby being complicit in the Crime of the Century. They are so dishonest, but Patriots know the truth!” Replace the word “Patriots” with “Astros fans”, and Trump’s statement about the Arizona audit can be applied here.
Trial by combat
When all else fails, Astros fans can do what the MAGA folks tried: Take the World Series by force. Picture thousands of orange-clad, banner-waving Astros fans storming Truist Park, climbing over the gates and up the walls, breaking into the Braves’ stadium, finding the World Series trophy, and bringing it home to Houston, where it rightfully belongs. Like Rudy Giuliani said on January 6, “Let’s have trial by combat.”
Wait until next year
This may all seem a little ridiculous and far-fetched. It is! The Astros and their fans are not whining crybabies who cannot accept being defeated by a better team. They are confident that they did their best but came up short. They will regroup and try again next year.
Now if only we can get the former president and his cult to see how silly, desperate and unpatriotic they’ve been.
Author’s note: Most of this article is satirical. In journalism, satire most commonly pokes fun at the news or uses parody portrayed as conventional news. While satirical news is defined by its comedic nature, using deadpan humor to create what is called “fake news,” its underlying objective is to make statements about real people, events, and trends, often with the intent of influencing change.