Cut-out letters from various license plates spell "WHAT A WORLD" against a map background.

Love, marriage and going the distance


By Nancy Ford

Because we same gender-loving folks were denied the right to marry each other for far too long, our relationships sometimes didn’t last as long as we original intended. Certainly not always, but too often, “forever,†in gay couple years, translated to three years, maybe a few more if we were lucky.

My first, most enduring “forever†relationship was with a woman I met in a lesbian bar. On Valentine’s Day, even. Corny, I know, but it was love at first sight. We were the embodiment of the stereotypical U-Haul lesbians.

Predictably, it worked for five years, and then, for various reasons, it didn’t. She got the dog, I got the couch. But we both ended up getting something much more than either of us could have foreseen.

Thirty+ years later, we’re still best of friends, even though we’re now separated by 1800 miles. Several years ago she moved from Texas to Wisconsin (and has yet to thaw out, by the way.) But we’re still in constant contact, sharing good news and not-so-good news, supporting each other through breathtaking new loves and heart-wrenching break-ups, personal and professional victories, births and deaths, questionable hair color and wardrobe choices, the joys of menopause, and everything else that happens in the course of a lifetime. You know — for better or worse, richer or poorer. For more than three decades.

Now, all these years later, my friend found her forever love and she’s going to marry her. Legally marry her, in long white dresses and diamond rings and ridiculously expensive flowers and the whole routine! And I’m taking part in the wedding ceremony! How lesbian is that?

No, I’m not giving the bride away. I’m reading this piece by Wilferd Arlan Peterson, titled The Art of a Good Marriage.

Happiness in a marriage is not something that just happens.

A good marriage must be created.

In marriage, the little things are the big things.

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you†at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner. It is being the right partner.

My friend chose this particular piece because it’s a great outline for a good, solid marriage, whether that marriage is hetero or homo in nature. Words to live by, and all that.

Truth be told, I would have preferred sharing at the wedding something I have written personally. It goes a little something like this:

There once was a lesbo from Texas

Whose best friend is one of her exes.

As she now takes a wife,

And says, “I do,†for life,

May her marriage be good as the sex is.

But it’s probably best that I read Peterson’s piece. It would be a shame to throw away a thirty-year relationship on a limerick.

So Happy Wedding Day, dearest Donise. More important, Happy Marriage. All these years you have been the sustaining wind beneath my wings and yes, sometimes, the nagging pain in my ass, and just because you’re getting legally wed I don’t expect any of that to change. I’m sure you feel the same.

 

 

Related Posts

About author

Related Posts

Comments are closed.

Do not miss