Group of eight stylishly dressed women standing in front of a red background with vertical lines, posing confidently.

Get swept away by ‘Ocean’s 8’


By Nancy Ford

What a summer, what a summer. Children and babies being ripped from their parents’ arms. Trump disses Trudeau and kisses Kim Jong-un. Roseanne goes crazy. Rachel Maddow cries on live television. Melania fritters away all of her kidney surgery sympathy by donning that “I really don’t care†jacket. “Womp womp.†And a bunch of other stuff that’s so hard to bear than I care to talk about in print.

A woman can only take so much, and summer’s not even halfway over. If you feel the same, have I got a distraction for you: Run, don’t walk, to your favorite multiplex, invest in some popcorn, kick back in the rocky, comfy seat and indulge yourself in Ocean’s 8, the best larcenous chick flick since Set It Off. And Queen Latifah doesn’t have to die in this one, so win/win.

It’s like big ol’ pile of my favorite actresses all got together one afternoon, ripped through a case of cheap champagne and said, “Our friends needs some cheering up. Let’s make a movie for them.â€

Sandra Bullock. Cate Blanchett. Sarah Paulson. Anne Hathaway. Helena Bonham Carter. If they would have snagged Meryl Streep and somehow resurrected Katharine Hepburn for this golden cast, I’d still be in the theater, hooked up to a catheter, watching O8 in an endless loop.

Filling out the rest of the eight are Mindy Kaling (loved her in The Office), Rihanna (no scars, even without makeup) and the deliciously hysterical Awkwafina (who will likely be equally hysterical in her upcoming film, Crazy Rich Asians).

O8’s plot is somewhat predictable but not simple, much like its Ocean-ic predecessors starring George Clooney and Frank Sinatra. This time, Debbie Ocean (Bullock), is freed from prison after serving five or so years for a variety of transgressions. Her first act after her release is to visit the tomb of her brother, Danny (George Clooney). But don’t cry too hard. There’s no way any studio would kill off George Clooney — he just won the AFI lifetime achievement award, for crying out loud. I personally think this is a misdirection to gin up interest in another Ocean’s sequel. Maybe Ocean’s 100, in which Danny, Debbie and accomplices take over the Senate.

Debbie’s next act is to round up a posse to steal a six-pound diamond necklace from an insufferable actress (Anne Hathaway) at the Met Gala.

It goes on from there, but here are a few non-spoiler highlights to whet your appetite:

  • Debbie is compulsive eater, much like Brad Pitt’s character in Ocean’s 11 through 13. In less than two hours we watch her consume Chinese food. And Ukrainian food, sharing a creamy blintz with Lou (Cate Blanchett). Tell the truth — who wouldn’t want to share a creamy blintz with Cate Blanchett? Debbie also downs a hot dog. And a Tootsie Pop — cherry; I know you were wondering. And scrambled eggs. And a few assorted coffees and teas. And champagne. Gotta love a woman with a hearty appetite.
  • Lou kisses Debbie flat on the mouth. In a cemetery. In the rain. Yes.
  • Playing a suburban homemaker/master merch scammer, Sarah Paulson (Tammy) is the ultimate embodiment of a MILF. Mother I’d Like to Friend. Calm down.
  • As ditzy fashion designer Rose, Helena Bonham Carter trails just a scent of Tim Burton. She earns extra credit by proving that Brits are much more skilled at speaking American than Americans are at speaking English. Yes, we’re looking at you, Don Cheadle.
  • Journalists are considered even more despicable than thieves. Ha!
  • We learn that even in the world of thievery, women are unperceivable. At last, a professional advantage.
  • Rihanna’s character of Nine Ball stays true to her real-like penchant for the ganja. Note to smokers: if a turkey and Provolone Subway sandwich is good enough to satisfy RiRi’s munchies, it’s good enough to satisfy yours.
  • The women’s two weeks’ worth of work nets each of them a take of many, many millions of dollars. And they don’t even have to become Republicans to do it.
  • Within ten years every family will have a 3D optical printer. Then none of us will ever leave the house.
  • Don’t blink, especially near the end. If you do, you’ll miss some quick-fire, yummy cameos by some of our favorite elder actresses.
  • Any movie that holds the preposterously pretentious Met Gala up to this level of ridicule is cinematic gold.

But don’t take my word for it. There are plenty more reasons to give Ocean’s 8 a look. If nothing else, for an hour and 50 minutes it allows us to escape the shit show that is the summer of 2018.

PS — For a bonus O8 indulgence, Google Cate and Sarah’s goofy, unrestrained, three (or four or five) sheets-to-the-wind early morning appearance on Today with Hoda Kotb. They’re blasted before 8 a.m., and have absolutely no intension of hiding that fact. It’s their best performance together since Carol. Enjoy!

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