Image of a collage spelling out "What a World" using various US license plates and a background of a world map.

An open letter to Sarah Huckabee Sanders


By Nancy Ford | 

Dear Sarah,

How’s it going, Girl? Forgive my familiarity in addressing you by your first name, but I feel like I know you. I tune in almost every day to catch your White House press briefing. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I subconsciously hope that one day your inner Christian will finally rise to the surface and scream loudly enough to prevent you from lying to the American people even one more time.

Do I expect that day will ever come? No, not really. But I can dream, can’t I?

Enough small talk. The real purpose of this letter to you is to discuss comedian Michelle Wolf’s set at the recent White House Correspondents Association dinner. One of the strictest rules of comedy says that if a joke has to be explained, it’s not really a joke. But in this case, an exception must be made.

Never in the history of this esteemed event have so many people been butt-hurt over the remarks made by the hired comedian. The only time anyone was actually hurt by remarks made at this dinner was back in 2011 when then-president Obama and Seth Meyers’ jokes about your boss, some say, goaded him into running for president, out of spite. That resulted in butt-hurt on a global scale.

But I digress. First, let’s do the math. The segment specifically referencing you, Sarah, amounted to 172 out of the 2,419 words of Michelle’s entire set. That’s less than 15 percent — close to what your boss reduced his billionaire buddies’ corporate tax rate. Such a piddling amount to get upset about.

Michelle’s opening reference to you: “We are graced with Sarah’s presence tonight. I have to say I’m a little star-struck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.â€

See, The Handmaid’s Tale is the horrifying story about what happens to a society when its government makes decisions about women’s bodies and general welfare. The Aunt Lydia character is responsible for communicating this ideology, and controlling those who oppose it. Aunt Lydia is kind of a press secretary. Get it?
Michelle’s next joke: “Every time Sarah steps up to the podium I get excited, because I’m not really sure what we’re going to get — you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. ‘It’s shirts and skins, and this time don’t be such a little bitch, Jim Acosta!’â€

Personally, I think this joke speaks to your repeated disrespect of the press corps — especially CNN’s Jim Acosta — by refusing to answer journalists’ questions on most subjects, sometimes even belittling them by intoning your boss’s favorite descriptor of the free press as fake news. Maybe a better joke would have compared you to a gruff dodge ball coach, you being the undisputed queen of the dodge. I truly don’t believe the softball reference hinted that anyone thinks you are a lesbian. Nobody could be that self-loathing.

Michelle continued, “I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. She burns facts, and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies.â€

Sarah, admit it. You lie. Every day. It’s in your job description as the Press Secretary for one of the bigliest liars of all time. In reality, Michelle turned your lying into a compliment; your eye makeup really is one of your strengths. Say thank you and move on.

Michelle’s final joke referring to you was:
“And I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you know? Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Cousin Huckabee, is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know. Aunt Coulter.â€

That was a direct reference to how you not only have let down your own gender’s peers, but have also betrayed the young women of coming generations who now consider a career in politics on par with a high-stakes Ponzi scheme.

It must warm your heart that so many people rushed to your defense after the dinner. Even the president of the WHCA threw Michelle under the bus, forgetting the stated objective of the dinner itself is to honor the First Amendment. That’s the one about free speech and freedom of the press. Surely you see the irony there.

But you know what they say about irony: “Some people create their own storms, then get upset when it rains.â€

Better keep an umbrella handy, Sarah. This storm is only going to get worse.

Related Posts

About author

Related Posts

Comments are closed.

Do not miss