The Cockpit’s Gai Ardiente

September 2, 2026
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Montrose Star
Posted in BARTENDER OF THE MONTH
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Glasses-wearing man smiling beneath a cap

Is there such a thing as the perfect bartender? Does he see you walk in the door, acknowledge your entry, and have your drink ready for you by the time you take a seat at the bar?

Is the perfect bartender one that will comp your drinks all night then see that you get home safely? Or is the perfect bartender the kind that will make you breakfast after satisfying your carnal needs when you wake up in his arms?

Everyone has their unique definition of what a perfect bartender is and, in the year and a half of writing this column, we have yet to find him. Until today.

Ladies and gentlemen, our perfect Bartender of the Month is Gai Ardiente.

Gai Ardiente serves up the city’s best dirty martini

Name:

Gai Ardiente.

Where is your hometown?

H-town born and bred.

Single, married, engaged or do you like to keep ’em guessing?

Single, but open to a relationship should my Prince Charming come along.

Do you have a drink specialty?

Bud Light or anything in a bottle where all I have to do is pop a cap and hand it to my patron.

Tell us about your philosophy on being a good bartender?

A great bartender does not just mix drinks — they manage human energy. The bar is a theater, a sanctuary and a community hub all at once.

Besides the money, what do you enjoy about being a bartender?

The absolute best part of being behind the bar is the front-row seat it gives you to human connection. When you pull back the curtain on the late-night rush and the busy service wells, the real joy comes from the unique rhythm of the job.

Do you get hit on a lot and how do you respond?

Of course. That’s why I’m shirtless 99 percent of the time. In fact, I’d wear less if I could. Plus, it comes with the territory, especially in a high-energy beach club or a packed night venue where the vibe is inherently social and expressive. When you are the one pouring the drinks and setting the tone for the night, people naturally gravitate toward that energy.

What is your pet peeve about being a bartender?

I have many, but here are just a few: Ordering a massive round of complex drinks and then wandering away to the bathroom or the patio when it comes time to pay is at the top of the list. You’re not fooling anyone, you cheapskate.

Whistling, snapping fingers or waving cash in the air to get attention. It instantly moves you to the very back of the mental queue if I don’t read you to filth first.

Patrons reaching over the bar rail into the garnish trays or the ice well to grab a lime or a cherry. It is a massive health code violation and ruins the setup. My bar is not a buffet.

The “make it strong” request: Asking for a heavy pour while expecting to pay the standard price. It implies the bartender should steal from the house for a stranger. You’ll probably empty your flask into your drinks by the end of the evening anyway.

I have more but let me stop before I start naming names.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever seen from behind the bar?

More than once, I’ve seen well-known politicians, usually Republicans, sit at the bar and size up the male dancers. Before you know it, they’ve both disappeared into the restroom and about 15 minutes later reappear with smiles on their faces and a little white residue on their noses.

If you were not a bartender, what would you be doing?

If the bar lights went out for good, my life would still be about performance, human nature and high energy. I cannot sit behind a desk from nine to five. I need movement, adrenaline and people.

Tell us something people do not know about you and will be surprised to learn.

Behind the confident smile, the shirtless aesthetic and the high-energy banter, I’m a shy, quiet-spoken mama’s boy.

If you were a superhero, who would you be?

If I had to step away from the bar rail and into a superhero suit, I would be Batman’s Robin. I’d love to be able to run around in tights saving the world, only I’d do it with some sort of package showing.

Where and when can we catch you for a drink?

You can’t, because I do not exist. This article is a complete work of fiction. There is no such thing as a perfect bartender. There are some excellent ones, some rather good ones and some really bad ones. But as in all professions, there is no such thing as perfect.

We hope you have enjoyed this column, but this is the final edition of Bartender of the Month. Beginning in October look for “My Pleasure” in this space. This new column will profile hard working LGBTQ+ people throughout the hospitality industry. If you know a waiter, waitress, hotel/motel worker, bartender, barback, bar/restaurant manager or anyone (including yourself) who is employed in hospitality, please send their name and contact information to Johnny Trlica at johnnytrlica@yahoo.com.