My hospital stay, in food

By Jim Ayres

June 20 through September 19, 2024, minus a four-day “shore leave” in which I prematurely told MONTROSE STAR I was back and ready to roll. How long is that?

Three months, give or take. That’s how long I was at Houston Methodist, Buckingham inpatient physical therapy, Memorial Hermann Katy, and Memorial City inpatient PT. But I’m not writing about my foot surgery and post-op complications, major as they were. I’m writing about food!

If you can call it that. No one has ever thought of hospital food as gourmet cuisine, and I can tell you firsthand that hasn’t changed in 2024.

Let’s start with Houston Methodist hospital. Long regarded as a premier health care organization, Methodist’s dietary offerings are more akin to rigor mortis.

They give you a menu. You mark up your order. I could do that blindfolded, as the few selections never changed from day to day.

All-American Rice Cake (Burger)? Sliced (cold) turkey or toast (roast) beef? That’s it for mains, Monday through Sunday, lunch and dinner. Always served like the best revenge — cold — and always sugar, salt and fat-free. Beverages? Diet Shasta anybody?

Buckingham was a step up, but not by much. One rung of the ladder. Their offerings were like Methodist’s with the occasional soggy fried tilapia or chicken tenders added to the mix.

No menu here — you eat what they give you. The food was just about as bad as the Nurse Ratchets on staff, which is why I’m glad I had to go back to the hospital. Namely, Memorial Hermann Katy.

Brief tangent: I found my stay here superior to Methodist in every way. From the youthful, sunshine-y staff, to the Hilton-esque room I was in, to the food.

Compared to Methodist, Memorial Hermann’s menu looked like the Cheesecake Factory. Daily specials (the default selections) were dishes you’d want to order at a restaurant, but there was so much more. Tex-Mex items. “From the Grill” offered better burgers. And there was a vegetarian menu.

When it was time to go back to PT, I went to Memorial City Health as I had burned my bridges at Buckingham. It’s a story for the ages, but not now. Anyway, the food here was shocking — in a good way! This 187-bed facility has its own kitchen with its own cook, Mr. B.

Mr. B’s side dishes may have been leftover veggies, but that man can cook! During my stay (which was the longest of the four) we had BBQ chicken, fresh fish, ravioli and even a steak. Now, he did this on a non-profit budget, but for the most part, these dishes were tasty if, once again, I needed to put on a sweater to eat them.

Hospital food will always be what we fear, I guess. Cold, soggy, bland. And in such small portions! But those facilities in Houston that really care about their patients and understand that eating well is a big part of good mental health are upping their food game.

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