Category: Community

By Johnny Trlica

On June 25, 1978, a group of about 3,500 gays and lesbians gathered at Houston’s Astro Arena to formulate a plan to move gay rights forward.  The keynote speaker was Sissy Farenthold. She caught everyone’s attention with her opening remarks: “The question has already been put to me! What business does a straight white woman with four grown children have addressing this convocation of gay men and women? The answer should be self-evident. No one is free unless we are all free.â€

Frances Tarlton “Sissy†Farenthold died peacefully at home in Houston on Sunday, September 26 after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease. She 94.

When she first went to Austin to serve in the Texas House in 1969, she was one of two female Texas lawmakers. Barbara Jordan was in the Senate. While in the legislature, she successfully sponsored the Texas Equal Rights Amendment.

“At the 1972 Democratic National Convention in Miami, where Sissy led the anti-war McGovern forces from Texas, she was tapped as a potential vice-presidential running mate for (George) McGovern. Gloria Steinem nominated her from the floor, seconded by Fannie Lou Hamer and former U.S. Rep. Allard Lowenstein. Although Sissy came in second, she was the first woman whose nomination for that position had ever been brought to a floor vote. Perhaps it was this, and her outspokenness, that earned Sissy a place on Nixon’s Enemies List—twice,†wrote the New York Times.

In the late 1970s, Farenthold became an active voice in the gay rights movement. Speaking in Houston in 1981, at the Gay Political Caucus she said, “Political control of sexuality does violence to fundamental human rights.†She called gay pride “an affirmation of personal worth … because sexual orientation is irrelevant to the living space and freedom due each individual.â€

Born and raised in Corpus Christi, Farenthold graduated from Vassar College (at 19) and, in 1949, The University of Texas School of Law (at 22). She taught law at the Thurgood Marshall Law School at Texas Southern University, where her students included future U.S. Rep. Al Green; and at the University of Houston, where she taught one of the nation’s first classes on sex-based discrimination. 

A life-long Democrat, Farenthold was instrumental in exposing corruption and criminal activity of many powerful Democrats in Austin. Her insistence on transparency and her fight against special interests ended the careers of many Texas politicians, including Governor Preston Smith, Lieutenant Governor Ben Barnes and the Speaker of the House, Gus Mutscher. 

We need more Sissy’s.

By Randall Jobe

If you are a collector of celebrity signatures you will be hard pressed to top those of local artist, Larry Crawford. He not only has dozens of autographs, but also has them on a painting he has rendered of each that has been published as a book by Kallisto Gaia Press in Austin, Texas titled Backstage Access: The Celebrity Paintings of Larry Crawford. Each includes a description of how he managed to get them to sign as told to writer Mary Day Long. Inclusions in the book are varied, a delightful blend of music, political and comedy icons from Cher to Hilary Clinton to Cheech Marin. You’ll be sure to find many who will appeal to your tastes.

Works that include a span from 1985 to 2020, the stories are as fascinating as his incredible paintings. Crawford managed backstage access often despite impossible odds maneuvering security guards and police officers. Even under their watchful gazes he would often catch the eye of the celebrity as he struggled to carry two large paintings of them. Crawford used the moment to move to the stage and manage a signature; one was presented to the star and one was kept for the artist’s collection.

Shortly after presenting his likeness to Bill Clinton, Crawford received a call from The White House. They were inquiring as to the value of the painting. President Clinton could only accept a certain monetary value of gifts. He had decided to take it when he left the White House to hang in his home. Quite the accomplishment for a person born in Texas who moved to Louisiana, 45 miles from the nearest town. But Crawford, receiving no support from his parents who thought it a total waste of time, used the time creating his art. Working on his self-taught techniques, he developed his talent through sheer determination, and two loving aunts who encouraged him and bought him art supplies.

Crawford also honors, with a loving credit, his partner of 42 years who passed away in 2021, Michael Allen Jarrett. In Crawford’s words, “He allowed me to be me — not always understanding, but always supportive. He showed me the world.â€

Crawford’s work extends beyond celebrity portraits with drastically diverse subject matter. All are painstakingly executed; portraits and abstracts with equal proficiency. He is quick to donate art to fundraising efforts including AIDS Foundation Houston and Health Care for the Homeless. His affable personality is infectious and explains a lot about how gains access to have his portraits.

When questioned about favorite celebrities he has met, Sean Penn is immediately mentioned. As to the worst, well, it may come as a surprise to many. But, when preparing to meet Jerry Lewis, he witnessed an incident that showed the “non-public personae†of the star. You’ll need to read the book for this “gem†nestled in the book’s treasure chest.

What’s next for Crawford? Well, with over 60 celebrity portraits in his collection to date, a second book seems inevitable.

Larry Crawford’s book signings and art shows

October 23, 3-5 p.m.: Urban Eats, 3414 Washington Avenue. Larry Crawford Art Display and Sale, ongoing.

October 24: Riva’s Italian Restaurant, 1117 Missouri Street.

By Anthony T. Eaton 

May 27 will mark two years since Larry Kramer’s passing and our loss of one of the most influential leaders in the LGBTQ+ community. With the coming of the annual Pride celebrations in June, we must remember the impact Larry had in the fight against AIDS and the struggle for our rights. 

Larry was an accomplished man earning a degree from Yale, an academy award nomination as a screenwriter, two-time Obie winner, Pulitzer prize nominee, and activist. Born in a time when being out was unheard of and the role models we have today did not exist, he had his own struggles with coming to terms with and accepting himself as a gay man, as many did and still do. Going as far as attempting suicide while in college, Larry would come to terms with who he was and go on to lead a movement that would change our world. 

While not initially interested in activism, Larry would become a leader in the gay rights movement and the fight against AIDS when gay men began to get sick in 1980 with a then-unknown disease. Larry was instrumental in so many ways, from forming the first AIDS organization, which would become the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC), to ACT UP in 1987 after years of the government and the world turning a blind eye to what was happening. Larry forced gay men, the government, and mainstream news to pay attention and respond to the AIDS crisis, starting with his lengthy essay titled “1,112 and countingâ€, of which Pulitzer Prize winner Tony Kushner said, “With that one piece, Larry changed my world. He changed the world for all of us.†Indeed, he did. 

Larry exemplified what it means to stand up and take action even when that makes you unpopular and a target. While many were willing to stand back because they were afraid of being outed in a time when we had few, if any, rights, Larry said no. He stepped forward, mobilizing a movement that would bring forth money for research to fight AIDS. He would not let all those that had died were dying, and suffering do so in vain. Widely criticized for his methods even by the gay community, GMHC ousted him in 1983 due to his “in your face†approach; that approach resulted in the intended outcomes. People and the government took notice and took action. Larry knew someone had to do something, and he did. 

“You’d think one day we’d learn
You don’t get anything
unless you fight for it, united
and with visible numbers.â€
—Larry Kramer 

While we now know that HIV had probably been around for decades, it was not until 1981 that the virus seemed to take hold and spread. If you were born after 1981, chances are you don’t know what effect the disease had back then, the toll it was taking. I was 14, and I remember clearly the fear that permeated the gay community and the lack of response or even acknowledgment of the government to do something because it was that “gay disease.†I remember my fear as a young gay man, seeing all those who were sick, dying, or who had passed. Had those infected with HIV been white straight men, things would have been much different. Now more than ever, that fact is not lost on me when I see the world’s response to the COVID pandemic compared to what happened back then. 

“AIDS was allowed to happen.
It is a plague that needs not
to have happened. It is a plague
that could have been contained
from the very beginning.â€
—Larry Kramer 

Had it not been for Larry and others like him, we would be in a very different place today. Because of his courage, we should all recognize that one person, each of us can make a difference even when the stakes are high, we are afraid, and there is much to lose but also much to be gained. Today more than ever, we all need to be like Larry and stand up against all that is wrong in the world and our own country. Renowned immunologist Anthony Fauci said of Larry, â€œIn American medicine, there are two eras. Before Larry and after Larry.†

Larry’s life and courage should be a catalyst for our own response to the lack of leadership in our country, to the continued and pervasive racism and bigotry that still exists, the inequality and injustice of anyone. We must raise our voices; however, we can. We must demand change and not stand by meekly and wait for someone to do it for us. We must unite not as groups of color, gender, or sexuality but as human beings. Larry’s passing should be a call for action, so we do not let all those who have gone before us, who have sacrificed, risked, and even lost their lives to have done so in vain. Each of us must have a cause and do something to advance that. We must get involved by voting, writing our representatives, raising our voices. Like Larry, we must act up. 

“Some reporter called me
‘the angriest gay man in the world’
or some such. Well, it stuck,
but I realized it was very useful.â€
—Larry Kramer 

Larry’s legacy should remind us that the rights we have gained are fragile and can easily be stripped away as we continue to see. Leadership comes in many forms and people, but most often, it comes from those we least expect. 

Larry Kramer was 84.

By David-Elijah Nahmod

John Amero was there at the very dawn of the porn industry. At a time when working in porn carried a huge stigma, at a time when people in the business worked under assumed names out of fear of being “discovered,†Amero and his late brother Lem proudly put their real names in the credits of early X rated classics such as Every Inch a Lady (1975) and Blonde Ambition (1981).

In Amero Brothers productions, the films told a story and featured performers who could act. In many ways, the brothers tried to emulate the classic Hollywood films they adored, such as the glorious MGM musicals of the previous generation.

Amero worked on more than thirty feature films in various capacities. He called the shots in both gay and straight films and had a wonderful time doing so. Now, in his newly published memoir American Exxxtasy: My 30-Year Search for a Happy Ending, Amero recalls those bygone days with wit, humor, and heart.

Amero writes vividly of his youth in New England where he was raised by a conservative grandmother after his parent’s divorce. His father remarried and moved away and his mother had serious mental health issues. It wasn’t an easy childhood and so Amero often escaped to the movies. But he loved his grandmother and his family dearly, and he remained close to them even after he moved to New York City and had made a name for himself in the world of adult cinema. 

A New York City which no longer exists comes to life as Amero recalls his early days in the Big Apple where he shared an apartment with his beloved older brother Lem. At first, Amero hid his homosexuality from Lem. It was a different era and being gay was not accepted by mainstream society. But one fateful night Amero wanders into a gay bar and runs into Lem, and the two were best friends from that day forward. The book is dedicated to Lem, and to Amero’s long-term partner Chuck, both of whom are now deceased.

In his salad days, Amero worked at CBS and ABC, editing commercials into TV shows for the latter. As he did during his youth, he went to the movies constantly. The movies were his escape, and he absorbed everything he saw like a sponge. One day he went with his friend Michael Findlay to see a low-budget exploitation film and his whole life changed. Amero agreed to work on an exploitation film with Findlay, producing a black and white film called Body of a Female (1964), a film which promised its audience all manner of sexual activity. These forerunners of adult films were never quite as dirty as they promised to be, though they definitely were not for kids. The film was a success, and Amero was on his way, producing, writing, or directing one film after another, working closely with Findlay and with his brother. When hardcore became the industry standard in the early 1970s, Amero accepted it and continued working.

Amero goes into great detail about the making of many of the films. He offers insight into what goes into the casting process, securing locations, dealing with performers’ egos, the trials and tribulations of actual film shoots, and getting a good distribution deal. Whether a reader is interested in making adult films or working in mainstream Hollywood, Amero’s prose serves as a teaching guide in how to make a film.

Two chapters of the book are devoted to the gay films that Amero worked on, which he did under the nom de porn Francis Ellie. As with his straight films, Amero put a good deal of thought into each film, coming up with fully fleshed-out stories and hiring the best talent he could find. Navy Blue, one of the Francis Ellie films, was a homage to the 1949 musical On the Town, which had starred Hollywood legends, Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly. Audiences ate up everything Amero did. His films always made money.

Amero also writes about his encounters with various celebrities in New York, such as movie star Montgomery Clift, jazz chanteuse Rosemary Clooney, 1950s Oscar-winner Gloria Grahame, and Donald Trump, long before anyone ever thought Trump would ever be president. It seems that the Donald wasn’t a nice guy even back then.

But it wasn’t all fun and glamour. Amero writes movingly of the three biggest losses in his life — the death of close friend Findlay in a helicopter accident, his brother’s demise from AIDS, and the loss of Chuck, his beloved life partner of many years, who had been suffering from a variety of health issues. These losses affected Amero greatly and his recollections of losing them are beautifully written and quite moving.

The book is also filled with the names of people who were superstars during the porn industry’s early years. Names like Harry Reems, Andrea True, and gay porn legend Jack Wrangler are remembered as consummate professionals and Amero humanizes them with his deft writing.

American Exxxtasy: My 30-Year Search for a Happy Ending is a wonderful book, a time capsule of an era that will never be again. Regardless of whether you’re a porn fan or not, it’s well worth a read.

By Johnny Trlica

A Celebration of Life Balloon Release was held at Tony’s Corner Pocket on Saturday, October 3, 2020. Friends of Dan Jacobson and Maury Mills gathered to share memories and a few drinks before releasing white balloons, many with personal messages written on them into a beautiful, blue Houston sky.

Dan “Daddy Dan†Jacobson

Dan Jacobson is fondly remembered for his warm, welcoming smile, his home-baked Christmas goodies, and the annual July 4th party he hosted at his home in the Heights. Dan had T-shirts for every occasion, many of which he made himself. They were always timely, topical, and frequently biting.

Daddy Dan, as he was known, contracted COVID-19 during the summer and passed away on July 13. He was born on August 8, 1955, and worked for many years at the 611 Hyde Park Pub. He was among the first bartenders at Eagle when it took over that address, and most recently poured libations at Tony’s Corner Pocket.

Dan’s good friend John Peterson said, “Dan was everyone’s friend and always saw the good in people. I loved his many different funny T-shirts. I remember the great 4th of July parties and the gift of Christmas cookies and fudge every year. He baked for weeks. When he started bartending in the mornings, I didn’t see him as often. I’m not a day drinker but we messaged each other to keep in touch. I will remember Dan as a special and kind person and will miss him. Prayers to his family for their loss.â€

Maury Joel Mills

Maury Mills was a talented musician and loved the piano and loved to travel. He passed away on June 2, 2020, after incurring a stroke. He was raised on a small rural farm in Wayne, Oklahoma. He attended Okmulgee Technology School where he achieved a degree in drafting in 1971.

“Maury loved cars. From the time of his youth, Maury was a car guy. He loved to read about cars in any magazine he could get his hands on. He loved to attend car shows and go look at cars every Sunday on the car lot to dream about that next cool ride that he would have in his driveway. He would never pass on an opportunity to take you for a ride in whatever vehicle he had at the time to show how it could go very fast and, depending on if the vehicle was convertible, hopefully, you were prepared to be cruising with the top down,†reads his obituary.

Mills had a very successful career as vice president of sales, director of marketing, and president for various leading valve manufacturers.

Survivors include a brother, sister, four children, twelve grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and countless friends.

By Johnny Trlica

Commentary: As we head to the polls this is a good time to take a look at what we, as a nation have lost since the last presidential election. Perhaps putting into perspective how things used to be before we turned our nation over to a man and party lacking in character and principles. 

As Elayne Griffin Baker posted on Facebook:

“There is no literature or poetry in this White House. No music. No Kennedy Center award celebrations. There are no pets in this White House. No man’s best friend. No Socks the family cat.

“No kid’s science fairs. No times when this president takes off the blue suit-red tie uniform and becomes human, except when he puts on his white shirt- khaki pants uniform and hides on the golf course.

“There are no images of the first family enjoying themselves together in a relaxing moment — anywhere. No moments like Obamas on the beach in Hawaii, or Bushes fishing in Kennebunkport, no Reagans on horseback, no Kennedys playing touch football on the Cape.

“I was thinking of the summer when George H couldn’t catch a fish and all the grandkids made signs and counted the fish-less days. And somehow, even if you didn’t even like GHB, you got caught up in the joy of a family that loved each other and had fun.

“Where did that country go? Where did all the fun and joy and expressions of love and happiness go? We used to be a country that did the ice bucket challenge and raised millions for charity.

“We used to have a president that calmed and soothed the nation instead of dividing it. And a First Lady that planted a garden instead of ripping one out.

“We are rudderless and joyless. We have lost priceless cultural aspects of society that make America great. We have lost our mojo. Our fun, our happiness.

“The cheering on of others. The shared experiences of humanity that make them all worth it.

“The challenges AND the triumphs that we shared and celebrated. The unique can-do spirit Americans have always been known for.

“We are lost. We have lost so much. In so short a time.â€

Adding to that, locally we have lost even more.

We have lost meeting our friends at George, Robert’s Lafitte, and other pubs, to share laughs and good times. We lost boot scootin’ boogying until the lights come on at Neon Boots. We’ve lost countless businesses — permanently.

We lost many gay bars which, in order to pay the bills and their employees, shed their identity and are impersonating restaurants. (Not blaming them, just lamenting what they had to do in order to survive.)

With the closing of bars, we lost live shows by our favorites drag performers, many of whom lost their sole source of income.

We lost hugging our family and friends without somewhere in the recesses of our minds thinking, “I hope he’s not sick.†We lost smiling at strangers crossing our path in the fresh produce aisle in Kroger and seeing them smile back.

We lost the fun of attending the Fort Bend County Fair, the Texas State Fair and so many others. We lost Friday night football. We lost Oktoberfest.

We lost first day of school pictures. We lost graduation celebrations.

We lost college football. We lost seeing throngs of dedicated fans cheering on UH, Rice, A&M, and the Longhorns. Watching a game on TV with no one in the stands seems almost apocalyptic.

We lost shaking hands.

We lost seeing Tanya Tucker at the Heights Theatre and other live concert events.

We lost brunch at Riva’s and their bottomless mimosas.

We lost attending an Astros game to cheer on the boys of summer. We lost the Roughnecks and the possibility of welcoming a championship team to Houston.

For all we’ve lost, no amount of lamenting can bring back the hundreds of thousands who lost everything.

We lost friends, family and loved ones to a virus that the president called a hoax even after he was warned about its deadliness.

We have lost so much.

By Randall Jobe

“I have always believed that acting is larger than life. You can sit on the street corner and see real people.†—Bette Davis

In an ironic twist, I had stumbled across an interview with Bette Davis and this quote caught my attention. I posted it on Facebook and thought about the many friends of mine in the theatrical community that these words applied to — none more so than the fabulous Marsha Carlton who passed away on July 4. Larger than life barely describes the powerhouse singer and talented actor that Marsha inhabited. She leaves a void that will be difficult, if not impossible, to fill. The outpouring of condolences and kind words has been huge, but not surprising.

I called her “Cousin Marsha†and I was “Cousin Randy†to her and her family for almost four decades. We performed together first at Risky Business cabaret, where she walked into an audition looking every bit the La Porte homemaker and proceeded to blow the roof off the building with a voice that was as unique as she was. We would share many stages, including the Comedy Workshop, and countless cabaret theaters as part of a trio called “Hot, Fat and Sassy.†We loved to be asked, “Which one are you?†To which our standard reply was, “Guess which one I’m not!†We would both host karaoke and she developed a staunch and loyal following that referred to her as “Grandma.†She always had time and patience for them (a sharp contrast to my “take no prisoners†approach to too many bad singers with egos and some good singers with egos!) 

When Marsha wasn’t hosting karaoke, she performed in multiple shows with Theatre Under the Stars and in touring productions, working with and befriending major stars like Juliet Prowse, Tammy Grimes, and Maxine Andrews, and these relationships lasted long past the run of any given show. If she ever made an enemy, I never saw it and her acceptance of people from all walks and persuasions attested to that.

She embraced the LGBTQ community and was a fixture in countless fundraisers during the AIDS epidemic and continuing until her health issues made it impossible — which was rare. She epitomized the adage, “the show must go on,†often performing when she should have been resting or recovering. When getting around became difficult, she arrived in a wheelchair, but never let it diminish her ability to belt out a song or two, or a dozen! If there was something she loved more, I never witnessed it.

She was the “darling†of so many groups and organizations over the years including The Rheingolds, a social group that followed her from the Risky Business days and for years afterward; Miss Camp America; The Diana Foundation; EPAH, and many more. She was the first onstage anytime dollars were raised for anyone in need.

I was fortunate enough to witness her determination and spirit last June when, for her birthday, her family gave a party at the nursing home where she was residing. Looking as vibrant as always, she greeted everyone and even sang a song or two accompanied by long time partners, Clay Howell and Jerry Atwood. I could not have imagined that a year later she would be gone. There will be a void for many that will be hard to fill. I gifted her with a photo album with treasured memories, as did her family. There were photos from her days as a beauty queen and my favorite, one of her in full baton-twirling regalia. It brought to mind the countless times I saw her produce that trusty baton and defy age with her prowess. Once, at one of my birthday celebrations, we moved outside and under a streetlamp to watch as she performed, ending with a 20-foot toss in the air, a double spin, and an unbelievable catch!

That was Marsha — unbelievable at times — as an entertainer and as a human being to whom “larger than life†was preferred over “sitting on a street corner†waiting on real life.

Now she is gone, but I imagine her voice ringing out in a heavenly choir, possibly to the chagrin of the other angelic voices. I am heartened that she is reunited with her mother and her son. Rest in peace, Cousin.

| Beloved serodiscordant couple, recently wed in Venice, share their love story

By David Artavia

In March 2013, David Lester-Massey (then Massey) gave an interview that would change his life forever. At the time, Atlanta-based marketing professional and producer Johnny Lester-Massey (then Lester) was casting a reality show and searching for potential talent. Following a brief phone call, Johnny informed David that he’d call him back. And he did.

That call lasted for hours – as did the next one, and the next one, and the next one. Eventually, David raked up the courage to ask Johnny if they could meet in person. Admittedly, Johnny says now, he thought it was going to be a business dinner. David, however, knew it was something more.

At this point, the two had hours of conversation under their belt and understood a genuine connection was forming. After having a “really good time†at dinner, David, knowing his feelings for Johnny were building, decided to make an even more courageous move. Only this time, it was something deeply personal.

“I need to let you know that I am HIV-positive,†he told Johnny, expecting what many people living with HIV dread after disclosing their status: fear, rejection, and isolation. But what happened next took David by surprise.

Johnny, who is HIV-negative and was not fully educated about the virus at the time, responded with compassionate and concerning questions: “Are you OK? How are you? What does that mean? Are you healthy?â€

David began to educate Johnny on his health, his numbers, and his statistics. What really moved him, he says, was that Johnny never lost romantic interest after telling him he was living with HIV. 

“[Johnny] took the time to get educated,†explains David. “When he left my house, he called his doctor and he had conversations about what it means to date or be in a relationship with somebody who is living with HIV. [The doctor] was like, ‘OK, so I want you to know something… First of all, if they disclosed that information to you this early on, please consider yourself special, because it’s not easy to do, it’s not easy to hear, and he chose to disclose to you.’â€

The wise words from Johnny’s doctor, who is also his uncle, brought the issue into a broader perspective for the young producer. It certainly wasn’t the first time someone disclosed their status to Johnny before, but this time was different.

“Atlanta’s very fast-paced, there’s a lot of hits and misses here,†Johnny explains about life in the Southern city, which according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is fourth in the nation for new HIV diagnoses. “I was at a point of time in my life where I was open and ready for a relationship. I wanted something different. Being from a small town… coming out as gay, being in front of a Baptist minister in the Bible Belt, you have all of these layers of stigmas and hang-ups that you have to walk through and deal with. I gave myself two years to really work on myself, to be my openly Black gay self, because I had never had the opportunity to do that. I was always terrified to do that. I said, ‘A relationship that’s meant to be will come.’ And it did.â€

Six years later, David and Johnny have become leading content creators and relationship influencers specializing in building content for people living with HIV. As contributors for POZ magazine and Real Health Magazine, and hosts of Poz.com’s web series Table Talk and RealHealthMag.com’s Perspectives, the duo (branded as “David and Johnnyâ€) give incredible advice and insight to couples who, like them, are in serodiscordant relationships whereby one person is living with HIV and the other is not.

Together, David and Johnny own HiClass Management, a boutique branding and imaging firm providing services for high profile clientele and awareness marketing around HIV. Recently, they launched into new ventures: Hiclass Blends, a luxury loose-leaf tea company, and SirHiclass Footwear, a luxury footwear line with products made in Italy.

By far, the most extravagant project they’ve curated to date was their 2019 wedding in Venice, Italy, a country that holds a special place in their hearts.

A few years ago, David had started touring in Italy, singing and directing a gospel choir, spending two to three weeks at a time traveling across the country. In 2017, he received a call from singer and Insta-celebrity Cheryl Porter, who’d been invited to perform at “Christmas at The Vatican†for Pope Francis. 

“She said, ‘I can’t imagine doing this without you. Would you be able to come over?’†remembers David, who jumped at the chance. Johnny joined him for the tour, and the duo fell in love with all things Italy. So much so that when the time came for choosing wedding destinations, it seemed like a no brainer.

“And so, we said, Italy is a big country, where will we do it?†David explains. “I’d been to Venice, but he hadn’t. And so, I was like, ‘I would really enjoy being in Venice with you, and if we could make our wedding happen, I think you would be blown away.’â€

The couple started the planning at once. Porter also sang at the intimate ceremony, which was performed in the music hall of the Ca’ Sagredo Hotel Campo Santa Sofia. And the private setting was intentional on their part.

Lester-Massey

“When we talked about the kind of money we were investing,†Johnny explains, “we said we don’t want to invest all of this money for people to come and just spectate. We want people [there] who are going to be rooting and cheering for us. [In Italy], they already invested to get themselves there, so I know they weren’t there to spectate.

If there’s one attribute defining David and Johnny’s relationship, its authenticity. Checking in to make sure they’re both good and being honest about their feelings will always be top priority.

“We have this thing called maintenance time,†David explains. “Maintenance time itself is to take an hour of uninterrupted time. There’s no television, no radio, no cell phones, no computer, no devices. Just you and your partner, and you actually talk. You talk about the things that are going well. You talk about the things that you want to improve. You talk about things that you couldn’t talk about because you were too heated to talk about them. You save it for that one hour you’ve dedicated, every week.â€

Admittedly, David says they got to that point through therapy, which is another thing they encourage couples to partake in.

“Get someone with an unbiased voice that can hear both of you at the same time, because what we find is that if I’m saying something in a language my partner can’t understand, it’s just like me not talking at all,†David adds. “Learn how to listen in the language that your partner can understand.â€

“When David and I first started using [maintenance time], it’s because we couldn’t communicate effectively,†Johnny says. “I had a whole iPad note of stuff I was ready to talk about during maintenance time, so I was ready. I came to maintenance time ready to read and ready to just tell him everything I wanted to. [But] it became, ‘No, we need to go over this because of that’ and ‘This is going to be because of that.’ Eventually, we didn’t need maintenance time anymore because we just started to deal with stuff as it came.â€

“That’s what you would hope for,†Johnny adds. “You really hope that you won’t need [maintenance time] as a long-term situation. I think that’s one of the beautiful things I learned out of it. And when David talks about therapy, I laugh because I always say we were in therapy within the first six months. But then, we did therapy again a few years into the relationship, and we just kind of used therapy as a maintenance tool. I think it’s something that’s really contributed to the success and communication of our relationship.â€

Without a doubt, David and Johnny’s love has grown stronger over the years as they continue breaking down their inner walls. For countless fans, many of whom are living with HIV, their story is one of triumph and trust. The fact that their experience as a serodiscordant couple is highly needed in this age of misinformation has not passed them by. But also, they’re fully aware that for anyone to fight stigma within a relationship, they must equip themselves with knowledge.

“I can understand that there are a lot of people who don’t have the education [about HIV] because I didn’t either,†Johnny says. “David didn’t know that he was the main reason I was comfortable being in that moment with him the first night he told me [his status], because he was calm. If he would’ve came to me freaking out and all over the place, I probably would’ve naturally reacted and been as freaked out as he was. But he was very calm. He had a conversation with me… People are not dumb. They know what’s going on. And you can tell if somebody’s kind of rushing things along… that doesn’t make somebody who’s unsure be okay.â€

He advises to anyone choosing to disclose their status to their lover, “The person that’s sharing the information, they really are the gauge on that thermometer, because how they deliver it is probably how they’re going to get a response.â€

David adds, “I was educated about my own status enough to share it with somebody else, when they felt comfortable hearing the information. So, just imagine what it would have been like if I was not educated and Johnny had questions, and then I either gave him misinformation or just said ‘I don’t know.’ That would make me seem less credible.â€

“The onus of your status still belongs to you,†David explains. “You can choose to share it. You can choose not to share it. But you do have a responsibility to ensure that you protect yourself and you protect the other person that you’re with. Whether you plan to be with them for a week, a night, or a lifetime, you still have to protect yourself. The way to do that is to make sure that you have as much education in your tool belt that you can be able to share with somebody else. So, when they leave you, for whatever reason, they’re more educated just by meeting you—not hooking up with you, not being in a relationship. Whenever they come into somebody else’s presence, they can give that education to somebody else.

That education certainly helped when David disclosed his status publicly for the first time at a conference—after he already told Johnny.

“I didn’t know at that time, but somebody was recording it and they had hit share,†David remembers. “There were people in my hometown that got the information through social media, not me. There were people that were in Johnny’s [circle] that got the information over social media and not through himâ€

“And so, now all of these questions are forming,†he adds. “They’re like, ‘Wait a minute, did you know that David is living with this? Did Johnny know? Did you see him?’ All of these things. I really wanted to control our message, and once we couldn’t, it was like, OK, now that it’s out there, we still have a responsibility to let people know that, yes, this is a part of our story, but it’s not the entire story. It’s just the backdrop. This was more than HIV.â€

That was the moment they both realized their stories could actually help others, and they certainly answered the call.

“I told him this from the beginning,†explains Johnny. “I was like, ‘I want people not only to see you living with HIV, but they need to see you live well.’ They don’t need to just see you and say, ‘Oh, he looks healthy, he’s eating.’ No. They need to see you be a Rockstar, because they need to see something that they’ve never seen before.â€

Alternatively, they also understand that Johnny’s voice is equally as important as an HIV-negative person who is in a healthy long-term relationship with someone who is poz—a narrative we often don’t see in mainstream TV and film.

“I’m negative, he’s positive, we know what our regimen is, we know what the doctors have told us, and we know how we operate,†Johnny says. “It was like a revelation or an a-ha moment for me in that instance. I also told David, since we’ve never seen this before, since there is no template, my thing is, if we’re going to do anything, we’re going to do it fabulous.â€

Currently, they’re in the process of piecing together a mini e-book, which will be a collection of quotable and small insights (or “David and Johnny-ismsâ€) their fans will be able to download and use if ever they need a jumpstart of inspiration.

However, their ultimate goal is to be the first gay Black male couple to host a talk show. And given their shared drive and passion for change, they might achieve that goal sooner than later.

“I do believe there is a space for thought leaders and people that want to take themselves, their relationships to the next level,†Johnny says. “Us being men of color, by being open and vocal about who we are and what we do, I think it resonates with a lot of people.â€

David Artavia is managing editor of Plus magazine, the HIV Plus Treatment Guide mobile app, and HIVPlusMag.com. This column is a project of Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, The Body, and Q Syndicate, the LGBTQ wire service. Visit their websites — HIVPlusMag.com, PositivelyAware.com, Poz.com, and TheBody.com—for the latest updates on HIV/AIDS. (This article was previously published in Plus magazine and reprinted with permission.)