CONSCIOUS VS. UNCONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION

Choose the right one

By Dr. Julie Hollingsworth –– I begin this article by giving you some background and understanding that I have gained over the years.

Relationships and communication go hand in hand. The only difference in communication is whether it is conscious or unconscious. I can tell you that unconscious communication is what many people do with one another, and it causes much chaos and discord. Conversely, conscious communication can look like speaking a different language.

Conscious communication occurs when one of the two people in communication is sharing or speaking while the other person is only to receive what is being communicated at that moment. The listener says nothing and gives their full attention to the person speaking and thinking about nothing else but what the person is saying.

Instead of listening, so many people are thinking about their rebuttal and what they are wanting to say. This may result in them completely missing what the person speaking is trying to convey. The speaker deserves to be heard; too many times that doesn’t happen.

It is possible that we have one wounded person talking to another wounded person and no one gets heard, validated or made to feel important enough to be heard. So many couples do this, and no one gets what they need out of the situation or conversation.

Understand that there is much to know and learn about communication. When used properly, it can be so positive and have a positive outcome.

Speaking of communication, we have to address “triggers” and how they can break communication and even assist in the deterioration of a relationship.

A trigger is a feeling and/or response that comes over you and takes the conversation in another direction. A trigger can be instilled in us by things that have occurred in our lives — abuse, betrayal, witnessing something negative or growing up with a groomed response, abandonment and many other things.

People that suffer from PTSD can be triggered or have triggers that take them right back to where the trauma took place. They lose reality. I understand this very well because it happens to me. I can feel myself go into defense mode, or even shut down when something scares me. I feel incapable and my wounded child takes over. You can see how the wounded child has no place in an adult conversation, but it happens.

The trigger can trigger you if part of what the other person is saying is about you but you may not see it or be ready to deal with it. You will notice this when you are being criticized when there is any part of what they’re saying is true, and you will go into a defense mode.

Healthy communication in conscious energy calls for us to be open to the other person. We must hold a clear space for them to speak without our “stuff” interfering with their sharing.

The only response that is appropriate while active listening is occurring is to ask questions that pertain to their subject needing clarification in what they are saying. It’s not always comfortable but it is healthy communication.

Sometimes these conversations will tell you a lot about yourself because you make a side note in your mind of what they are talking about, and what it brought up for you.

Every person wants to be heard! Be kind to who you are listening. Know that when you are speaking, you want to be heard by a person with an open heart and respect for you. This holds a safe space to speak and be vulnerable, if needed.

It takes time to learn and use conscious communication. It is clearly taught in Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt.

Spread love and kindness. And please seek help if it is needed.

Julie Hollingsworth, PhD, LCDC, ICADC is a Doctor of Esoteric Studies, Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and Energy Psychology Practitioner. Free consultations available. More information: DrJulieHollingsworth.com or 713-526-HELP.

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